The Artist and the Canvas

Why is it that we try to be something that we are not. To be real means we have to bypass preconceived ideas that people have placed upon us and focus on what is on the inside of us. But do we know what that is? This week the opportunity arose for me to try and tell someone who I was in a fairly concise manner. I was imagining that I was like an artist. First I did a general outline - name, age all that kind of stuff. The information that labels you but doesn't define you. Then I started filling in a few more of the details - the things and people from the past and present that shape who I am today. It was as if the more I drew the more transparent I had to become and the more transparent the scarier it was. I was opening up myself to all sorts of rejection. Was this person going to look at the drawing and throw it away, were they going to try and make all sorts of changes or were they going to accept it for face value. At this point I don't know the answer to that question. The drawing is not complete and the verdict is still with the jury. Have I been labelled? Are their other drawings out there that are a little more complete? I don't know. Does it matter? But as I sit and wait, I continue to perfect what is in front of me. Adding a little more information and filling in the background. What does the final picture look like? There is no final picture because it keeps changing from day to day depending on the decisions we make. The day it will be complete is the day that I go home from this world. We never get to perfection. So, why sit and try and perfect the drawing if it keeps changing. Is it to impress people or in particular this person and convince them that this is the picture that they want? No, because to be real means to be yourself and that means not having to impress anyone. I do it for me. To see who I am. To see where I can change. To focus on the good, the bad and the ugly and to put it all into prospective on the canvas. To see the fulfillment of dreams as they come and join the picture. This picture has no title and no labels but is made up of dreams, visions, desires, experiences and emotions. When complete this picture will be me.